So Berline met Nicholas at a local bar late Wednesday evening. She was not even supposed to be out. As an evening tutor she was rarely off weekday nights; and had only ventured into Kadine’s Place on Knutsford Road after being coerced into dropping her friend off.
A brief 30-minute meet and greet, support, network and bounce initiative turned into “Hi, these drinks are for you” from the bartender. “Huh” startled, Berline replied. The bartender nodded to the right and Berline saw him, all six feet four of him. What appeared to be a dark skinned, dreadlocked guy, "gosh I don’t know" she thought. He was fine, a gorgeous smile with green eyes responded. With, dark hair, above average height, lean muscular built and the cutest way his eye seemed to squint; Berline thought “hmmmmmm, I may have to thank Kadine someday”. They maintained their distance and more drinks led to the necessary Uber calls to drop Kadine off, numbers exchanged, and a courtship ensued.
For the next seven days Berline was swept off her feet by Nicholas. They dined every evening. He even waited till she completed her evening lectures on the days she worked till ten. She often felt this awesome, sweet, butterfly-ish, skydiving, intense, blissful feeling-this, this something.
Calls started to slow, the evening dinners weaned to once a week and eventually the wonderful slogan of the man loses interest campaign rears its ugly head. “Berline, you knew we were just friends” hmmm, cleared her throat, beads of sweat foaming. “Listen you know clearly I care for you. We’ve shared these awesome moments, and you know I love your company. BUT, the hated, overstated, underrated, mind-blowing, phrase was coming “Berline, I’m just not ready for a relationship.” Her mind raced, chest tightened and ached....
There are many reasons why men may lose interest, let's explore a few:
Reasons Why Men Lose Interest
1. Females jump too far ahead; some plan their wedding after the first date.
When a man meets a woman he takes it from moment to moment. He enjoys, her smell, her smile, he showers with her in his mind and thinks each dance or dinner or movie date this moment might just be better than the last. He takes it in in stride for the most part. Lingering glances, flirtatious stares, engages his wit in the moment, tries to make her laugh and just languishes the current something for what it is, regardless of the setting, his socioeconomic standing or hers. For the most part when a man is with a woman his mind is active in that moment.
A woman on the other hand meets a man, they exchange numbers, she has not even spoken to him officially yet as the singer says “ I was earning my man while I was learning my man, something you young girls might not understand…No Pain.” The woman of today will google her new man’s name, she will look him up, even his aunts and cousins on facebook, spend money to see his online connects, study his whatsapp profile to see what her future kids will look like mixed with his textured hair. She tells her girlfriends of every detail of their first date and professes her intense like.
She identifies this man feels good, she feels good with him. She immediately changes from the fun, interesting, loving, carefree girl he met that night to a woman on a mission. The mission: “To hold him” However, while embarking on this “unconscious” mission according to Freud’s theories. If we were to apply such psycho-analytic theory here, one would deduce, that either at Freud’s phallic stage, or Erikson’s trust vs mistrust, the woman unconsciously starts to fight for the man’s attention.
Rather than bask in the fun and affection being poured her way, some women begin to aggregate date data and perform comparative analysis of everything. She may measure how many calls she receives per day, she starts to appraise whether his choice in lunch venues are cheapening, she tells her friends even the kisses feel different the guy could have been conscious of the onion on his breath and scared to kiss her cause she may smell him. But her own negative concept of self makes her choose to blame herself, rather than pick up on onion breath. Before she knows it, the guy feels the shift in currents and tries to back up. He remembers Lyn Whitfield’s psychotic character in “A Thin Line Between Love and Hate” and is probably scared for his own freedom and uncertain about his new friend’s changing, intense-so-soon persona.
Many men will stop calling, not knowing how to explain this weird, terrifying feeling, yet knowing they must run. She may be too far gone in her own relationship with self. She wonders what she’s done, she starts analyzing her personal attribute one by one: she is pretty-check, banging body-check, two college degrees-check, and more, yet she still seeks approval, even if it is on the subconscious level. Her insecurities have so infiltrated that she doesn’t see, feel nor hear him she’s locked in her mind, she doesn’t even realize she has lost him until he is fully GONE!
2. Some Guys Are Only About that Thing, They Just "love punany bad" as the Singer said.
There are some men who profess their virility and quantity of children as if these are token gems on a Pandora bracelet; they just impregnate and run. Other dudes enjoy the chase, and more importantly, they need somebody else beneath them to make them feel good. Simply put they’re just about that thing, that thing and no substance. Some personality types feed off sadistic desires and quests. A man who has certain insecurities, especially regarding his libido, size or stamina may try to cover up his phallic shortcomings by fleetingly admitting, penetrating and discharging in his good female friends. He then subsequently, lessens his presence, fewer texts, DMs and calls, all this as the female falls deeper for him.
Let’s face it, we expect a lot from the male specie. As young as two, maybe three years old, males are yelled at and told to “man up” or parents are overheard repeating statements regarding said three-year-old, like “he needs to take it like a man,” "stop crying like a girl" or, "suck it up Buddy" etc. Males at a very tender age learn not to cry, how to hide emotion and suppress anxiety, learn to display machismo and are socialized to manipulate the “weaker’ specie aka, the woman to their advantage. Boys are taught to expect subservience, in many homes they are shared the best piece of the steak for example. Many males are not domesticated and do not engage in household chores as they are deemed more feminine tasks.
While females baffle what they did wrong, after a man abruptly backs away, he quenches his insatiable thirst to conquer by moving to the next prey. Unconsciously he casts his next bait. The confident, self-assured woman knows better and catches on at his first misstep. However, the less assured woman will forgive the initial flare ups until the proverbial sore has festered, all while giving up copious amounts of that thing, that thing, that th-i-iiiii-ng.
3. So Bored, He Feels like He’s at a Board Meeting
First impressions do last. Under a few shots or swigs, most people are fun seeking, frivolous and carefree. On subsequent dates practice being spontaneous, not compromising any morals or standards, but be flexible enough to permit schedule changes, venue changes or other trivial housekeeping hiccups.
Develop interesting hobbies, mention places you have travelled, market your best attributes and be engaging rather than be the type pf person who expects their partner to initiate, plan and entertain on every and all dates. Some women want a knight in shining armor with awesome credit and a sagging bank account but are not themselves bringing anything to the table. Put your money where your mouth is. Likewise, if you know you have diverse demands in bed then ensure you are also ready to tell the driver to turn the window up please,.
Be spontaneous, learn new languages, take an art class, go travel solo, visit old friends, visit a sex toy store, explore museums, go visit your city zoo or, join your city chamber of commerce. Ensure that you have examined yourself and know yourself! Every adult should have set goals and standards, you in other words, should ensure you have a life before seeking to commit to another’s. In this way, your partner is not burdened with trying to appease to your inner “short” self, your inner negativity is tempered because your mind is constantly stimulated and filled with positive vibe from your diverse meetings, activities and even games.
Women need to understand the power of the female. The blessed, precious, fragile vulnerable, fierce, tight, confident, competent, compassionate energy that is she.
KEEP HIM IN TO YOU AND ONLY YOU
• Don’t share too much too soon and try to learn from what he says and does rather than snoop. Regardless of how much he moves you, take time to know him.
• Be engaging, interesting and fun. Market your best self, first impressions do last.
• Don’t give in to intimacy before you have learned some aspects of the other person’s temperament. It is not a matter of playing hard, but it pays to know the person you exchange bodily fluids with.
ON TO YOU
Is your man/significant other losing interest? Yes or No? Share your ways to hold him/her in the comments below.