A few friends of mine had texted that they were by a neighborhood “Martini” lounge and I figured “I might as well go, what the hell!” I decided to browse Zania’s store for a five-minute outfit as it was Friday and I was not staying home. Zania’s boutique sold cute, chic, cost effective, sexy attire. I needed all the above and then some, so there was a good choice. I was five years post-divorce and still no real man. I just wasn’t ready, or, that was what I told myself.
Skimming through these thoughts and searching for my vibrating phone in my bag, I spun through the store door and stumbled hard into a firm, but soft grip. “OH shit, hi, so sorry I stuttered. “Excuse me, hi I’m Kai” he stated.” Silently scolding myself for my apparent awkwardness, I hissed my teeth but produced a smile. He sauntered behind me into the store, chatted to my girl and stylist Zania for a bit. I grabbed my outfit, rushed out and left. We ran into each other three times over the next few weeks and as fate would have it, we embarked on a date.
Long story short, we’ve become a couple, but not before I found out he was younger. Younger and I mean couple years young and my first younger man too.
Now depending on who I was with in the early stages, his age would change. To my immediate friends and colleagues he was only two years, younger. To my 21 year old twins he was subtly old, it took everything in me to admit. Luckily, in front of his friends my age still does not matter, in the earlier stages I was a bit worried but they seem to not care and neither do I. Truth be told though, I am seven years his senior and I don’t now and will never feel inferior!
If you have never tried young don't knock it, here are five reasons why a younger man may be your fit too:
Younger men are just socialized differently they don’t care about gender roles.
Today’s younger man has been through a different process of socialization. He may be the product of any of the myriad family types today and may not have internalized the standard gender role plan we were taught. I am the last girl after three boys and in our ancient household, I was exclusively in charge of the dishes, while my brothers had chores out in the yard. That process of gender role acquisition was further strengthened by my 20-year marriage to a man who barely broiled an egg (yet only ate home cooked meals void of left overs) or did any task heralded as domestic.
Fast forward to me and Bae today as he affectionately calls me and I barely cook (we eat out). He and I both do the lawn, we share all household tasks and for the most I am superbly pampered.
2. Young people today have varied interests, their ideas are just totally new and a young man keeps me young too.
Prior to my new young man, I had never played online games, heard of gifs (pics that move) or used snap chat. I mean I'm not in the twilight zone, I knew video games existed but last I played it was probably “Duck Hunt.” Never had a clue what worldstar hip hop or baller alert was/meant. Now, late, late night beach walks and star gazing have become my norm and I am now mastering grand theft auto. Who knew I would live to turn the radio on in my video game stolen car?
This man has left me many times in awe of his many skills. Recently, he has learnt how to plait my hair, and has introduced me to kava tea and crystals charged in the sun (I'm just saying). We plan to visit Fiji next year and the adventures keep coming, I will keep you posted.
3. Career and professional success is appreciated, there is no competition.
The old adage says ‘better to be an old man’s darling than a young man’s play thing.” But that may have changed today. Older men are many times threatened by their young partner’s professional accomplishments or other success and may view these as an impending weapon/threats to their identity, for some its a matter of control. Younger men applaud you and shout from any crowd. I remember a movie where the older woman Samantha’s man was screaming and tearing up in the audience as she collected a professional award.
A younger man appreciates the experience in you, this is what he likes and part of the aura that drew him in. He respects that you may know more on a given topic and is willing to teach you regarding ones he knows more. The competition is dead for he is just wired differently.
4. Younger men are not afraid to own their emotions
Not needing emotional validation or harboring old hang ups regarding women out of their twenties not being sexy anymore, a younger man in 2017 may turn out to be quite the catch. Never having the experience of erectile dysfunction and other hallmarks of increasing age, younger men are confident in their abilities to please and thus, own their emotions in relations. For example, a younger man knows his worth (a phallum needing no beseeching) yet, knows you are accomplished, self-assured, independent and sexy. He knows what he has and has no intention to lose you.
This is evident in how he laments when he hugs you, smiles and looks you dead in the eye, explicitly stating “Bae I never want to lose you,” or, “I was worried about you” or just simply “You make me happy” -these are just some of the wondrous words that will brim from your young love's tongue.
5. Many men my age (40-60-year-old) are seasoned into their own rigid ways and behaviors
When you’re dating younger the expectations are just different. There are no set, defined rules with a younger mate, this may explain why men have been dating younger women for years. The ambiance changes, the settings, venues, people, food, all facets are fluid. You both share a part of a novelty-ish experience. Let’s face it, you both get stared at in church and out in public, but that's part of the fun. He will assure you he is secure in you and you need to be too.
Most people wonder will the union last? Well, I like to look at it this way. Everything in life changes eventually in one way or another and uncertainty is always lurking. We must accept change (a partner of 60 years plus can die). Uncertainty, change and death are three sure sureties of life, for, we don’t even truly know if tomorrow will come and so, I approach my love with an open and objective mind.
The lack of societal and other pressure produces the super passionate interactions and this is where older may pale in comparison and I am not referencing stamina (why state the obvious?) A younger man is usually swifter to try something new, is more sensitive to your needs and desires, and even may religiously rub your feet too.
ON TO YOU:
If you have ever dated younger and loved it or not, please share your comments, thanks.
About the Author:
Nadjia is a healthcare professional who enjoys using her spare time writing about relationships, love, happiness and life. email her at: firstname.lastname@example.org